Because If You Don’t Say It, It Won’t Come Across
Just because I’m in Rin’s room doesn’t mean there’s anything special going on.
In a sense, it’s business as usual, and the distance between us is the same as when we’re at my home.
“It’s quiet, isn’t it?”
“Well, there was a noise earlier.”
“Fufu. I guess that’s true.”
I was laughing along with her giggling.
Rin is still leaning against me with her body snuggled up against me.
I was tickled by the way she occasionally rubbed her cheek against my arm. I looked at her to tell her that, and she smiled at me and said, “Ehehe.”
… Rin is the same everywhere.
I smiled at Rin and let my nerves drift away to the feeling of her arms around me.
The warmth and weight of Rin’s touch is comforting and restful…
“You’re getting all the attention you want today, aren’t you?”
“No, I’ll be home before it gets too late, so it’s not like I’ll have all the time I want, is it?”
“Is that so? I thought you were staying the night.”
Stay the night?
Isn’t it just awful Mach to run out of spirit like that?…
“I’m not staying here. I mean, Rin’s father just told us the other day, didn’t he?”
“He said that he doesn’t allow cohabitation, but he didn’t forbid staying out overnight. Besides, I’m at home, so I’m not staying out overnight, I’m just staying at home and sleeping normally.”
“I think that’s very forceful logic, don’t you?”
“I’m just trying to reason with the facts. That’s all.”
“I think that’s called nitpicking…”
“Nitpicking is also a fine form of logic.”
Rin said this with a cool face but still somewhat proud of herself.
Well, I don’t know what she’s saying, but I have a feeling that Rin’s father is going to be able to talk her out of it.
…Wait a minute.
Why am starting to think that I’m supposed to be staying out, too?
Don’t get swept away.
Staying at Rin’s house, even more than at my own home, is going to be a grueling and over capacity mentality.
So, I’m going to play it well here…
“Towa-kun is still very uncomfortable with me…”
Rin, who had been playing with me earlier, stared straight at me.
It’s the same look she always gives me, as if she can see through everything.
I tilted my head and decided to reply to Rin.
“You just now sounded as if you were trying to sound calm, didn’t you? This is a Doubt.”
My act, unfortunately, didn’t seem to have any effect.
It went unnoticed in the beginning, but now it was as if it meant nothing.
I’m sure this is also because we’ve been together for so long…
Seriously, familiarity is scary.
“Hey, Rin. You’ve been kind of strict lately, haven’t you?”
“That’s because Towa-kun has a criminal record. You still seem to wander off and go somewhere, so I’m keeping a close eye on you to make sure I don’t miss any of your minute gestures.”
Rin gripped my arm tightly and brought my face close to hers, and she stared at me like she was devouring me.
Her eyes seem to reflect a slight color of uneasiness.
“I knew he did something to …you in the bathroom.”
“Look, we were just talking, nothing personal…”
“You seem to be stuck on something…?”
“No, seriously, nothing. It’s not like that.”
“Mmmm… It’s suspicious, Towa-kun. Please say it while looking at me.”
I turned my face away from Rin who was staring at me with an upward glance.
There’s no need to say it here, and it’s not like I’m going to say something that will get my hopes up.
Besides, it seemed that Rin’s father didn’t intend to tell her about the conversation in the bath either.
So, if I act vaguely muddled as usual and try to divert Rin’s attention elsewhere, it will go as usual and be uneventful…
But … is that enough?
Up until now, that’s been fine.
Excessive expectations, hopes, and dreams are betrayed, so it is better not to say them.
Because when something positive turns negative, the damage is greater than you can imagine…
Knowing this, it is wrong to make others feel the same way.
If it’s zero from the start, it won’t change.
If there is nothing, there is nothing to change or hurt.
That’s how I see it, and that fundamental idea is not easily reversed…
That’s the truth I’ve come to realize in my life.
Still, I think people act because they don’t want to be, because their instinct is to want a connection.
Even if it’s futile, or hurtful, or something like that, they step into the thorny path themselves.
I’ve learned my lesson…
So I’ll shut up and do what I can.
That was the plan until just now.
Along with the tug on my chest, I am suddenly reminded of what Rin’s father said to me, ‘I wonder if you should take a little bit of the feelings of the person who is made to wait.’
…Don’t run away, me.
If you want to change.
If you want to be with her.
Be prepared to speak up and block my escape route!
I asked my mind and rallied myself.
Then I looked at Rin, who was staring at me.
Rin grabbed my face, probably trying to get me to turn toward her.
Her outstretched hand lost its way and froze in place.
“Uh, um. What is it? What’s wrong, Towa-kun …?”
Rin looked puzzled at my unprecedented expression.
Rin never minced her words, but this time she was mumbling a lot.
I looked at Rin and waited for her to calm down.
In the meantime, I repeatedly took deep breaths to suppress my palpitating heart.
“Umm, Rin, I want you to listen to me. I have a question for you.
“… What is it?”
The uneasiness she had just had was gone, and she turned her serious gaze on me.
“…I want you to let me do my best. I want you to let me work hard so that I can become someone who can actually walk around with pride in my heart, instead of who I am now. So I want you to wait for me.”
“I understand that you are working extremely hard, Towa-kun. But why the sudden …?”
(TLN: Bruh, what the…)
Rin looked anxious and surprised when she heard my words.
Her large eyes caught mine as if she was trying to figure out what was going on.
I pinch my leg without Rin being able to see.
Then I took another deep breath and opened my mouth.
“I’m grateful to Rin.”
“You are grateful …?”
“I’m sure Rin will say, ‘I didn’t do it because I wanted to make you grateful,’ when I say this.”
I can’t thank Rin enough.
It’s a fact that can’t be changed, and no matter how much she denies it, this feeling of mine will never go away.
<“Sometimes you have to say it to get it across.”>
That’s why I need to show my appreciation with words, not attitude.
That’s what I need to do for Rin, who is always next to me…
I need … to move on and not take my daily life with her for granted.
So I have to get it straight.
“Thank you, Rin, for supporting… me, who had been unfaithful and desperate since that day we met, and for not abandoning me so far when I was on the verge of breaking … my heart.”
I can’t do a dexterous job of expressing my gratitude in a witty way.
All I could do was to say it clumsily, bluntly, and without cuteness.
Rin turned her head slightly and looked down.
One by one, and then another, stains form on the carpet in the room with tears spilling from Rin.
“Eh, Ah, don’t cry for a second.”
I quickly took out a tissue from my pocket and wiped Rin’s tears.
Then Rin, with red eyes, sat down squarely on my lap and hugged me.
“… Don’t say anything, please keep it like this. Just a little bit is all I ask…”
She put her weight on me and generously pressed her voluptuous body against me.
Normally, I should probably blush and pull it off.
But I don’t have time to worry about that right now.
I’m too busy stroking her sobbing head gently.
“I’ll do that until you stop crying.”
“Then I will never stop crying.”
I thought I heard a faint murmur of “I’m glad…” from her as she still cried.